My eventual growth

( Tuesday, June 16, 2009 1:26am)

All bias to this particular stereotype aside, teens are monsters. Everybody knows, including teens, and everybody knows why. But few of our remarkable species actually know what I have come to realize, what seems like, much too late.

(This is not it)
-As a teen, I am always right. I do sometimes admit to being wrong, but for the most part, my opinions, intentions, and decisions, are correct. I assume I will eventually grow out of this and honestly, I’m looking forward to it, but it’s not happening now.
-As a teen, I rebel from the path that has been laid down by my parents and predecessors. Combined with the undeniable fact that my choices are gospel, many “wrongs” are interpreted as “rights”.
But I have removed myself from the teen environment, aka high school, and have unintentionally begun taking a more “adult” view on aspects of my life, and have made a few discoveries.

(This is it)
-I have discovered, in a manner similar to Newton discovering gravity, that the “guilty pleasures” that teens are famous for indulging themselves in, have a ratio of guilt to pleasure of about 100 to 1. And that these actions destroy intelligence, relationships, and character.
This discovery, although desirable, came at a very undesirable price. It cost about 80% of my nightly sleep, roughly 90% of my self respect, and a permanent regret that my intelligence, my talent, and my passion, was wasted while I “lived it up”.
-I have discovered that taking part in these temporary delights will break the hearts of the ones you love.
This discovery was made through seeing friends that I had grown to love, who had superior talent and impassable standards, slowly fall victim to twisted ideals. The beautiful talent that once cheated me out of breath is now a prisoner to chaos. And the standards that were once invincible and clear as glass, are now fragile and smudged by deception.

I feel, and I know, that I have let down the people I care about. Not just by pushing myself deeper into this pit of misery, but by dragging people in with me. I owe these people a debt, in the form of an apology that can never be given in its fullest.
I will, however, make an unyielding effort to undo the stupidity of my high school career.

Who knows, there may be hope for me yet.